Your tits are I can't wait for
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
