I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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