your parents love me but you hate me
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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