im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
