idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
