so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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