I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
