I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
