remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
