If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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