we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
