It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
