In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
