I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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