R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
