take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There r osticjed everywhere
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
