he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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