I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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