if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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