I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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