That's intense
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize