My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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