i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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