I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
