You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
