There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
