Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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