My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
