I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
