my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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