I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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