how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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