He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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