Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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