He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
