is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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