I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
