Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
