Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
