I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
