did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
