he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
