So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
