I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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