This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
