I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
