So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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