so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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