i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Still dying that you shit outside
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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