Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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