you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
