Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
