Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
