2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i was born a porn star she said
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
