I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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