I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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