Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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