last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
