u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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