I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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