im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
