Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
