Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
