At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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