if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
