she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
