She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
