do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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