I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
