my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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