i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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