he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
